A different kind of unprecedented loss

I just returned from an event that I know will change my life in some ways, forever. I was honored to be part of the team feeding those firefighters and police who were dealing with the tragic loss of 19 firefighters at the Yarnell Hill wildfire just outside of Prescott, Arizona on June 30, 2013. It was a sad and difficult duty, yet one at which I am not only honored but proud to have served. I have often worked with firefighters as well as police and the communities of these men and women are so very different than that of any other collection of people. Many other communities are closed, meaning they separate themselves from outsiders simply because they talk "shop" with one another at length and therefore separate themselves from the laymen who may wander into conversations. A good example of this is the medical community.

But those whose lives, by the very nature of their work, are risked on a daily basis is another group altogether. Those who run into burning buildings, towards 100 foot long flames, or find it necessary to dress themselves in body armor each day are certainly a different breed. This event, a fire near the small town of Yarnell, Arizona, has caused one of the great tragedies of recent history. So many, no... most of the young men who lost their lives were in their twenties, just starting out in life, two had babies on the way, and several had small children. The sadness has reverberated across our nation but most of all through the State of Arizona and even more throughout the family of first responders.

Our part was small, just feeding those who had come to help the families of the fallen in their need. (Although to hear the fire guys tell it, we were one the most important pieces to the event) It was helpful that 4 out of 5 of our team preparing food were also trained in Critical Incident Stress Management (CISM) as well as Emotional and Spiritual Care (ESC) Because of this we could spot people who were having difficulty processing the events of that day and help them to deal with it. Personally, I know I was able to "defuse" several folks who were struggling. I will be forever grateful to The Salvation Army for providing the training needed to assist people in need.

The morning of the memorial service we fed more than 900 people breakfast, most of them honor guard from all over the US and even beyond. If you were able to watch on television that memorial service, you saw and heard the largest contingent of honor guard and pipe and drum corps ever assembled play Amazing Grace. I was inside the auditorium and it was one of the most remarkable events I've ever witnessed. These folks came, many at their own expense, to be a part of honoring their fallen brothers. I get it. I attempted to do what Jesus told us to do, to mourn with those who mourn and weep with those who weep. No problem with either of those two elements. Rivers of tears were shed in front of me this past week by big men who aren't supposed to weep and by normally detached personnel who can usually handle any difficult situation. They may not have known the victims of this tragedy, yet they called them brothers. They may have suffered great loss in their lives prior to this, yet the loss of these 19 men has brought them to their knees.

Five of the victims all attended one church, simply called the "Heights" by local Prescott folks. The Heights worked with us to provide lunch to the ICP (Incident Command Post) on a daily basis. They wanted their people to heal and being involved in this issue was certainly healing. My hats off to their team of volunteers who gave of themselves daily to feed those present.  These things take their toll in many ways, sometimes not until much later. I will pray for those who were there as well as for the families of the fallen for a very long time to come. I will also pray for the lone survivor, Brendon, who will undoubtedly carry around the guilt (even though he bears absolutely no responsibility)  for not having perished with his comrades.

I am only writing this because it will help me heal. You see I too felt pain at this loss. I too have wept for those who have perished and for their families, their friends and their children. I could never pretend to know why these horrible events happen, but they do. Knowing that, we should rush to the sides of those who do not have a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. Our responsibility is merely to share the truth with them, They must make the choice to believe or not. These 19 men died in a blazing fire that was probably upwards of 2500 degrees. But most of them knew Jesus as their Lord and Savior, so that fire was momentary. Imagine suffering through that forever. My desire is that no one should ever endure that, and the only thing that will make that happen to them is the pride someone may possess in denying the saving power of Jesus.

This was a loss that not happened for quite a while and its impact was felt around the globe. But we should feel this same loss and same grief at every single soul that perishes without the knowledge of the Lord. We should weep just as much for each baby that is killed by abortion. These are the losses that we could stop, yet we do nothing. I weep for our nation that has condoned murder and denies the ability of God to heal us, to heal our hearts. I hope we will all grieve for the Yarnell 19. But even more than that, I hope that we will all move to stop the unwitting loss that happens every day throughout our once great nation, yet has turned its back on its God, Who will, according to His word, heal our land if we will just come back to Him. Without Him we will most certainly experience an absolutely unprecedented loss.

Who's in Charge?

Well, I thought I should update the world on news of my wife. I was encouraged by someone who had read my last blog and decided that it was only right since I opened this can. She is doing much better. She went into the office today and actually worked a few hours. (second time this week) She really has a strong desire to get back to normal and I would rather encourage that than discourage it. She tires so easily though. During her initial surgery she had a stroke and that coupled with "chemo-brain" (yes it's an actual term) her mind is not where it was prior to all that has happened. But I remain confident that God will restore her to her previous self and even if He doesn't, I'm sure He has His reasons. I have learned not to second guess Him. He's God, I'm not. With only two more chemo sessions to go, I'm quite excited to see how it all comes to pass. I just know that He is good and that He is in charge.....which brings me to another event that happened this week.
No doubt everyone has heard of the lone gunman who attempted to assasinate Gabrielle Giffords, killed 6 and wounded many others. Since I live in Arizona, it was an event that affected all who live here. Deeply. Arizona is a place where you can get a gun easily. You can carry a concelaed weapon without any prior training or license. Everyone I know (or very close to it) owns at least one weapon. I own some. That being said, I don't know anyone who has thoughts or desires to ever use their weapons on another human being. If I were protecting my family or myself, I might, but I have not sat in a dimly lit room, rocking back and forth, relishing the thought of taking another human's life. Jared Loughner is a sick person, and I pray for him, his family and those he harmed and their families as well. Who's to blame? Well, when you get right down to it, I believe that all evil comes from satan and is a direct result of his plans and desires to destroy the truth and the light of Christ. God is love and anything short of love does not come from Him.
I am asked often why God allows things such as his to happen. God turned the operation of this world over to our enemy a long time ago. That will change, but that's how it is now. Our job is to focus on truth, and on the light of God. Our mission is to show that light, shine that light and to bring that light forth in all we think, say and do. WE cannot judge nor can we bring forth judgment (at least eternal judgment) on the likes of Jared Loghner, Adolph Hitler or me or you. That is God's job. I preach a lot of funerals. Never have I said that the person who had passed is in heaven partying with God, nor have I said that the deceased is in hell suffering eternal torment. It's not my job. What I have said is that they are in the hands of a merciful God. And that is the truth.
When I think of the way my life and Tina's life has changed so drastically in the last few months, I am just not able to decide how I should feel. I wondered at first why God allows such things to happen to such wonderful people. Would I change all bad things if I could. Probably, but would I make it even worse? Probably. I have trouble running a small operation whose intention is to assist as many people as we can with the limited resources available to us. Not sure I could do a good job with a universe... or even a planet. God is in charge and we are His servants. Seems like a good way for things to be.

Things unexpected

Sometimes life will take a very sharp left turn. So it has happened this past month. My wife had been exhibiting some very strange, but not rare symptoms of not so serious conditions, such as indigestion, pains in the chest and in her arms, headaches and so on. The doctor thought it might be gall bladder. She had it removed. The doctor found me immediately after the surgery and said he found something unusual. Those are words you really don't want to hear. He took a biopsy but it will take a couple of weeks to get the results. (other words you don't want to hear) The results? Ovarian Cancer. (most severe words you don't want to hear)
We had him fax the results to our primary care physician, a friend for many years, to discuss the options. The surgeon had been vague even nonchalant about the treatment possibilities. Our doctor....not so much.. She walked into the exam room with tears in her eyes and sat down across from us. She said, "You know me, I don't beat around the bush" (I like that) "You have stage 4 ovarian cancer."
Now at this point, a bigger hammer would have finished us off, but as we cried with her and then prayed with her, the staggering reality that I might lose my wife, my best friend, my lover, my everything, began to crawl into my brain. We discussed treatment options, etc. and then went home and began to work on it. We now have been in the hospital for five weeks as Tina is this morning preparing to receive her second round of chemo treatment.
I'v almost lost her several times in these five weeks. Three trips to the ICU, many scares, drug reactions and on and on. But here she is, sleeping next to me, fighting this insidious disease that is attempting to take her life from this earth. As she sleeps next to me, I think of all that we have experienced together and I have forgotten anything bad that has happened between us. I have felt guilt for when I wasn't all I should have been as a husband and I have forgiven anything she might have done that hurt me. None of that matters now.
I praise God that He has shown me His light, His love, His unfailing care for both of us throughout this ordeal. I'm not angry at Him, for I know that evil does not come from the One who is love. If she is taken from me, I will still praise Him, but now I own the peace that passes all understanding and am willing to walk that path that places me in a place of giving all I possess or for which I care in order to show it. Quite unexpected.